There is power in
belief, which we all know to be true. We've heard it a thousand times in a
thousand different ways, positivity begets positivity, if you believe you can
achieve, and so on and so forth. And just as unwavering belief allows you
to ascend limitations you perceived you once had, and chase dreams you thought
were out of reach, the very lack of belief has the opposite effect and can
leave you frozen, unsure about the next step, unsure about who you are, and
unsure about where you are going. The mind can be a powerful ally or
adversary, the choice is yours.
Last weekend I raced in
Kerrville, and it was my first race back in a very long time, about three and a
half years since my last race, which was Ironman Texas in 2013. So much
has transpired these past few years, and the journey to get here, to get to my
first race back, ignited a spark in my soul that had been misplaced for a while.
Lack of belief in yourself happens slowly over time, sometimes without you even
noticing. Events happen in your life that shake you to your core, make
you question more than you ever wanted to, and suddenly, your overwhelming
positive disposition and beliefs have been shattered, your faith tested, and
sometimes you get lost. You forget what it's like to be sure of yourself,
to believe that anything is possible. That there is actual power in
belief, and with it you are a force to be reckoned with.
One of my favorite
quotes, and my mantra for this season is from Paulo Coelho,"You are what
you believe yourself to be." My journey to the finish line last Sunday on the aquabike was not about getting back to racing - yes, I love being
back out there, and I would be lying if I said that I did not, because the
truth is that racing has always been good for my soul. But my journey
these past three years has not been about crossing a finish line, it has been
about finding myself again. And the hip going out was just the end of a
very long shitstorm, it was not the cause of it all. Of course in the
middle of trials we are not without blessings and my baby girl will forever be
one of my greatest gifts, as well as my village, the people placed in my life
at the exactly the right time. That's called God's timing. It's been an
arduous road, full of self-discovery, and I wouldn't change a thing.
It's like coming up for
a breath of fresh air, like finding that sunny spot on a cold breezy day.
And you focus on the little things, one day at a time, and pretty soon it
is habit again, like you never got lost in the first place. Except that
you've gained a little more resilience, a little more fortitude, and a little
more grit. Your belief is so powerful, your faith so strong, that you
hold tight to your own convictions, and you chase those goals and dreams no matter
what. There will always be the negativity, the doubt, from others, as
well as from between your own ears, but you squash it, and keep on getting after
it.
My first race back was
absolutely all of those things and more.
It required me to be comfortable being uncomfortable, and to be sure of
myself in elements that I usually was not.
We would get pockets of rain on the bike all during the race, which
definitely kept me on my toes throughout. First up was the swim, which was windy and
cool, overcast but not raining yet. My swim went really well, was hoping
to be a bit faster, but I was going to be happy regardless because I was out
there racing! So happy some friends caught some pics as I was heading to
T1...had that big smile on all day! T1 was uneventful and was out on the
bike fairly quickly, but pretty much as soon as I headed out, it started to
downpour. One of the first big curves to the left several people had
already gone down, so I took it extra slow, and continued smiling even through
the pouring rain...it was going to be a great day no matter what! After
heading through downtown we turned on the main road and I was able to get down
in aero and push for a bit...the rain returned on and off the course all day,
but I was having the best time! As I headed into T2 I could hardly wait
to put on my shoes and run into the finish...as I brought the bike in I saw my
husband and baby girl and the tears came, I was just so overwhelmed by
emotions, not just from the day, but from this journey as a whole. I
headed out to do my little loop into the finish, and as I was I chatted with
another competitor, and we both agreed what a day it had been with the weather
and all (although the actual front had not come in yet, and that would hit
later as the half iron racers were running) - he headed to complete his run and
I headed to the finish, and what a feeling it was to cross that finish line
again – felt like coming full circle, but with more clarity and perspective than
before. As a funny side note, apparently
my run must have looked decent since another girl who crossed right after me
pointed out that I had not done my out and back for the run, but when I
explained I just did the aquabike, we both had a good laugh. Hubs and my
sweet girl and friends were waiting for me at the finish, and soon the rest of
our crew poured across the finish line. Such a poignant day back – grateful
for all my friends and family cheering me on from near and far on this day, and
all throughout this journey.
Next on the docket is
Longhorn, and it will be 8 months post –surgery. And three years post
shitstorm commencing. I can hear the hallelujah chorus now. And I'm
sure there are those that think I'm crazy for chasing this half iron so soon
after the hip, but I could care less. This spark has ignited a fire.
And I will chase it with a drive that I haven't felt inside for a long
time...and believe that anything is possible on that day.
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| All smiles all day. |
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| Reprieve from the rain for a bit. |
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| My biggest fans - they inspire me everyday. |
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| Grateful for my squad (we missed you Shellz!) - so much fun being out there racing with them again. |
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| Love them. |
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| Still smiling...loved every minute of it. |
